It took 22 years, but I have come back to church. God has made a pathway for me. He has created rivers in the dry wasteland. He is in the process of making His church “new” for me.
“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.” — Joel 2:25 NIV
Today…
I rarely skip church. True, I still feel a twinge of apprehension on Saturday nights, but just a twinge. It’s nothing like the stomach-knotting apprehension I felt for the first few months after returning to church. And I go to church because I want to, not because I must.
I re-discover the feeling of community when I go to church. I am not a morning person, but when I do make the effort to arrive early for coffee time, it has a Cheers TV vibe; “Where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came.” Only they aren’t bar friends. They are beginning to feel like family.
My ex-pastor-husband stands beside me; something I feared would never happen. We’re in the back row, not because we’re planning a speedy get-away, but because it’s convenient.
I don’t often check the time on my watch anymore, antsy for the service to be over. And I don’t daydream anymore during the pastor’s message. Well, maybe a little. I pay attention most of the time because we get good teaching. Best of all, I often feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. It’s what drew me to this church.
I find community, not only on Sunday morning, but through our weekly Ladies Bible Study. I can express my opinions (of which there are many) freely. We can share our joys and our heartaches, because this has also become a support group.
It may seem that my glasses are getting pretty rosy, but I don’t believe they are. I’m in recovery from Post Traumatic Church Disorder (PTCD). Yes, that really is a “thing”. I can still get triggered, even here, in my new church home. I fully expect there will be more triggers. There will be people I think of as my EGR’s (Extra Grace Required) and even more people who will think of me as theirs.
Where this blog is headed
So, how did I get to where I am today? That’s what I’ll be blogging about. I may take a few detours as I reflect on the comments you leave me, but I’ll get there. If you didn’t read my ‘About’ page, you may want to circle back to it now, so that this blog makes more sense. You can click here to get to it.
My next blog will be about my Catholic upbringing. Protestant or Catholic, you may find you can relate.